who here as ever in their life felt free? i mean uninhibited, limitless, and completely yourself. i found that i could be that...
jessie's dad owns a party business which she dj's for. last night i went with her to one for some rich 14 year old girl's birthday. after it was over, we cleaned up and then grinned. we turned on hte black lights, put the music on as loud as it went and danced everywhere. we found some glow necklaces and broke them open. it was like warpaint at first...then we found out how fun it was to splatter it on each other, the walls, and the mirror wall...everything glowed.
on the drive home, we made faces at people driving around at 2 in the morning, some kids took our picture. it was fun thinking about how each one of those people were going to go home and tell someone about these weird girls baring their teeth and growling at them driving down the freeway.
the night before, we sat in her jacuzzi for a while, then played in the outdoor shower until we noticed the moon. then we just layed on the trampoleen and talked for hours.
i can just think of so many moments where we were freer than thought possible and i realized how much happier i could have been if id found this sooner...found this side of me sooner.
ive never abandoned myself so much. ive felt more myself lately than ever before, i know who i am, almost what i want, but definitely what i dont want in life. theres no doubt about it, i will lead an amazing life and im starting now if i havent already. how can we be of the same 'essence' as ian puts it. everyone we meet thinks we're sisters...even her sister said we're almost creepy together. its not the sameness that doesnt go though, its the sameness that brings comfort, security, freedom, and love. already i can see how our lives have changed for the better. i didnt know a friend could do that. im so grateful for everything ive learned in this...whether we're friends for life or until tomorrow, footprints like that can never be erased...ive realized ive had a lot of people inpact me like that. im glad i let them. thank you, some of you are probably reading this and i wish i had appreciated your handprints/footprints/lifeprints sooner. ive got a good thing goin here. id better make the most of it. =)
in other news...a cop just followed me for 2 miles all the way into my driveway, then turned around and left...apparently for no reason at all except to scare the crap out of me.
also in the news...even though ive found new aspects of friendships in jessie...i miss some of the old ones...past times i guess...remembering when they called too. its like ive moved past them because they didnt care to run with me. like running in the rain...old times, but good ones. i guess i just have to accept it and not replace it but move on.
and moving day was fun...ian, blake, beav and some other people helped. it was weird later. there was a real awkward moment that night when it seemed like everyone was here...kim came, which was cool...but she never came and hung out with me...never even said hi...i guess this is what ive been talking about. i thought that was weird...i mean...its my house...i guess i was her friend...but honestly...what the hell? tlak about a whole lotta awkward. she stayed in my moms room with rosette...ouch. beav picked up on it...especially when angel and ian migrated to my room. i didnt know what to do/think. i havent talked to her since i was sick at her bday party. i still have her gift. what do i do? call her up and be like "well hey now, uh, havent talked to you in over a month, but heres your bday gift" we were supposed to go hangliding for ehr 18th birthday, we were supposed to do a lot of things, like stay friends. you win some you lose some i guess. i miss hs for that reason alone...sad that we needed that to stay in touch. life goes on.
im looking back on this, and its a weird entry...abnormal. i remember writing a lot of depressing thoughtful stuff...now...i dont. however, as you can see, im still obsessively attahced to my "dot dot dots"...haha